This stool pigeon has landed in one crappy situation.

Building management at the Rio ⁠— a condo building at 304 East 65th St. where units sell for millions ⁠— is accusing an elderly resident of using the luxury address’ pool as a toilet, attorneys for the building alleged in court documents submitted Wednesday. 

After 83-year-old resident Helen Hirsh “defecated in the fitness center’s pool and then again in the fitness center shower” the condominium was “forced to shut down the fitness center’s pool so that it could be properly sanitized…and to take the fitness center’s shower out of use so that it could be cleaned and disinfected,” the lawsuit filed in New York State Supreme Court stated.

In addition to pooping in public, Hirsh also “screams and makes loud noises while using the gym and the pool” and “failed on numerous occasions to wear proper attire in the gym (using the gym equipment in a wet bathing suit and not wearing proper athletic footwear) [or] to shower before using the pool.”

‘I’m an old lady … I don’t want to live here anymore.’

Helen Hirsh, 83

As a result the board banned Hirsh from using the amenities, but she allegedly finagled her way back in by “deceitfully obtaining a code to access the fitness center from a real estate broker who had been” touring possible buyers through the building “and has even forced her way into the fitness center when another resident was exiting through the fitness center door. Defendant has called the police to the building when building staff have attempted to restrict her access to the fitness center.”

pool poop lawsuit ues
The pool where a resident is accused of crapping.
Corocan
pool poop lawsuit ues
Hirsh says she plans to countersue.
Compass
pool poop lawsuit ues
The luxury building is located at 304 East 65th St.
Google Street

Hirsh, however, claims she’s clean.

“No, never,” she told the Daily Beast when asked about her defecation reputation. 

“Do they have evidence? Ridiculous, I was a doctor before!” she went on, before adding, “maybe I am getting old.” 

The octogenarian noted that she plans to countersue, and believes building management is only on her case because she doesn’t always tip building staff. 

“I’m an old lady. Why should I tip you all the time?” she said. “I don’t want to live here anymore.”

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